Kaaku’s blog

Meet my boyfriend - ‘What If?’

I met him by accident a couple of years ago through my room mate - Stuti - whose boyfriend at that time was Justin Case. ( She prepared for everything!) - you know, ‘just in case’.;)

I don’t know about her, but - I think its about time ‘What If’ and I break up.

I have entire alternate memories in my mind of situations and people - that might have taken place had my What if? theories come to life.

From - what if I don’t get the job I want, to what if my dog doesn’t just have the flu but is really ill and what if he is really not ill, and what if he is ill and is unable to say it
.. and what if this person I liked at some point did’nt like me back and what if he did and what if he did like but did’nt say it and what if he did and did say it and what if what I said at lunch was something rude and I should’nt have and I did and now what if I really upset someone by saying it..

phew!

As you can see ‘What if, is a very time consuming friend to have during day time and has kept me awake long in to the night on several occasions .’

Now that I am able to (hindsight is a sad invention) look back to most of my time with him, - they appear shallow , self centered and downright silly.

I mean what if the worst had happened?? I think I made the worst happen anyways in several crude forms before nothing really did.

It is’nt like this is the first time I have doubts, there have been occasions in the past when I decided enough is enough and this guy has got to go.
However I have always ended up turning back to Mr what if , when feeling low. He is always there for me.

I mean , we have shared some good times as well you know..;) but not enough.

So this time I am writing it down with pen and paper, .. actually with keyboard on screen, but with equally serious intentions of finally letting go.

It is’nt easy and I am already finding it difficult to go to sleep without thinking of today or planning the next day and the next day and the day ahead in several different directions .

I mean what if I am not doing the right thing by writing this online??…….. haha…. Kidding ;))

Nope, this time is serious. I really am breaking up and I really am going to sleep alone tonight.

Sweet dreams, and tommorow will happen what tommorow will happen. :)